I'm way over it before you did.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I've been feeling disappointed, upset and angry when i my mum came into my bedroom on 3rd of Oct, mid-autumn festival morning when i was still in bed and told me, 'I'm going to genting' says mum. My head was still blurry and asked her why the sudden the trip and went back to bed when she didn't answer. When I woke up, I knew it wasn't a dream and my mum had left me at home with my sister on that day with dad working. I was angry with her because she didn't tell me about the trip until last minute and really last minute and when I'm sleeping. Also, why choose mid-autumn when we were suppose to celebrate with mooncake and glutinous rice dumplings as a FAMILY. When anger fumes, other emotions like disappointment and sadness filled in.

I let the day pass with tv, computer and other stuffs and she called at night. I was the one who answered the phone and the person who said hi was uncle(aunt's husband). He wasn't polite at all and I wasn't happy with it and worse was mum took the call. I sounded like I wasn't happy and I was. I know she wanted to talk to me but perhaps my voice didn't came as friendly and she evaded by asking for someone else to the phone. For the next two days, I didn't pick up any of her call and didn't talk to her. I was long asleep when she came back on monday night and I only saw her on tuesday. I didn't want to talk to her and I kept at it for a week. I only started to say a few words yesterday and I started to try to let the incident pass but today, my journey home was trash. I stuffed my ears with music to avoid the 'car-sickness' I would usually feel in my dad's lorry and sing to distract myself. Then came the trash part. I was actually in a good mood from work and my dad had to ask me things that would make me mad. Before this, my sister and dad would ask me why I just wouldn't talk to mum and I would just ignore them because I know they don't feel the same way as I feel about mum going to genting and it would only waste my time explaining. Mum was like the only parent to me since I hardly ever talk to dad. So, this incident really made a hole in my heart. To make it bigger my dad asked me about the passport that we have planned to collect next sat, if he could bring my mum to collect it earlier. I asked him, 'why do you ask?'. He replied saying that mum might be going overseas again so they would be collecting it first while I waited for mine. Overseas Again... You got to be kidding. With whatever he asked me later about the details I just shouted at him and stopped talking and put my anger onto singing. At the point, I was thinking to myself, if mum does that again in sometime near, I would definitely flare up and never talk to her again. I'm already feeling it now. The NEED to shut up and not talk to my parents. I'm not angry with my mum not bringing me along for the trip, I'm angry at her telling only that late when I guessed she already planned to go since like way before by taking away possibilities of her not planning beforehand. I need to breakaway from this, working is not enough to get me away.

I finished a book yesterday, in a day and the book was great, and it kept me occupied for the whole day beside work. Can everyday be a book day for me to escape? Is escaping a solution? If I were to talk to my mum about it, I know it would not be a talk, I would probably be on top of my voice by the second word or sentence. What should I do???

Labels: damn trips

| a simple day. 7:19 PM
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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

it is now 6 mins past 12am which is 21/7/09. I had a fulfilling trip on sat, 18th July to a lot of places. First I went TM for some starhub stuffs and then i had to take a long train trip to jurong east. I was late for the meeting with my cousin, her bf, and my friend. Suppose to meet at 2 at science centre but there was some delay at TM. When i was there they were having lunch. Poor me, I only had a few sushi for lunch. We took a bus to science centre with some chit chats while waiting and on the bus. Funny conversation we had. Few minutes later and we poof to the science centre. It was 2.45pm. We were still thinking whether to get just the da vinci exhibition ticket or the package which includes science centre+omni theatre+DV. Seconds of thoughts and we were rushed to another ticketing booth without queue for tickets on the package. We didn't want sea monkey and just in time for vincent van gogh at 3pm. I was excited about it. Vincent van gogh we are talking here. The omni theatre was so cool. The screen was not the plain old flat big screen. Instead it was in a dome shape. Never been there before so pardon me. It was like in the mum's womb explained my cousin. Quite about there now that I'm thinking about it. The clip was less than an hour but it felt long and there it was. Vincent's life journey till death and pictures of paintings he did. The clip was about him talking about his life. Some funny parts in it. Interesting. I also took some pictures of the replicas of paintings he did displayed outside the theatre. Then off we were to the da vinci exhibition. I spent $20 outside the exhibition. You can see the pictures i took and the things i bought on facebook. The exhibition showed Da Vinci's life's works. He is truly a genius to invent so many things. Not only paintings but military engineering and more... I was in a rush and a pity I just browsed through. Luckily i bought the book explaining things showed in the exhibition. Then we took a long walk estimating 8mins according to the science centre website which I felt was more than that and train to plaza sing. For dinner and then HARRY POTTER!!! It's harry potter and the half-blood prince. I thought it was too much love stories and too little battles. The ending was too brief and not really concluded. Hopefully the last one would be better. Overall the movie was alright. The night ended with my cousin fetching me home and laughters on the way. I even had aches all over the next day because of the walks. Still a little aching now. ttfn.

Labels: a fulfilling day...

| a simple day. 12:06 AM
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Thursday, June 18, 2009

My life- Nobody understands even I

I cried softly in bed, hiding from ears beyond the walls. Drowning in sorrow on my soaked pillow as I thought of what people told me and see from me. I know I'm redundant, stupid, useless and a liability. I have feelings, emotions, a heart. Everyday, i have to be optimistic but that is just a facade a put up. Looking into my reflection I see nothing, even in shadows I'm nobody. I now know why I hated looking into mirrors in public since young. I feel inferior. I know I can't be what people wants me to be. I'm far from what they ask for. I'm just someone who hides in the shadow of others, looking for a meaning to live and wondering who is this person. Thoughts of suicidal flashed my mind like a million times but I never had the courage to die. Other than the lack of courage, I felt I had something to do before I die, but what was it?
Someone told me I've changed, different from who I was when I was a child. I did not reply. I thought to myself. How can I still who I was with the everchanging environment, society, education and even hormones in me. I no longer stay at 1+1=2. Things have been much more complicated, thoughts are more structured.
I want to be what others want me to be, but that's just not me. I can only be the shadow, hiding from the light, never coming out. Why do I have to be who I am. I hate myself. How I wish I never had emotions or even, I wish I never existed. Maybe the world would be a better place or at least people around me would be happier.

| a simple day. 3:42 PM
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Thursday, April 09, 2009

8 April. Went for my final theory test at ubi in the morning. So afraid that I'll fail the second time. Well, I passed! Haha. After that I had to doggy bag food back home. So piping hot. Then I waited for time to pass on computer and tv. Watched tv till I almost fell asleep. Then it's time to meet mei for dinner at the central before drinking. Hehe. Took dad's car with stupid dog all the way there. Kept yawning. Had to shop around the place because mei was late. Then I had an awful dinner because most of the dish in the yong tau fu was sour. Then we went to the latin bar we went previously with my aunt, 2 bens (haha), momo and of course my mei and I. However, my aunt doesn't like the music and environment so we walked around. My aunt insisted on going to dance in a club but we had 2 underage. We went to the arena and we weren't allowed in because my aunt asked stupid questions. Then, we went to china one again and drank. I had awful mojito minty martini. I exchanged it with mei to raspberry martini. Didn't get to finish it anyway cause we were going to zirca. They only started at 11 due to a concert. Then ben had to take momo's ben's IC and mei took momo's ez-link. I was laughing looking at ben and momo's ben photo. Don't look alike at all. Well, we all got in. The guy checking must be blind. All thanks to him anyway. My aunt danced like hell. Ben couldn't dance. He was doing chicken dance. Momo and ben argued. Mei vomit, again. In any case, it was fun. :) Hope to do it again if my mum allows...

| a simple day. 3:52 PM
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Sunday, October 19, 2008

My holiday will come to an end today at 12mn. I enjoyed my holiday a lot. Although I spent two weeks wandering around at home with nothing to do but watching tv and reading my story books. I've become a book worm this holiday. I can't believe it. I actually finished two and a half books in this period of time. Playing for pizza by john grisham and my three husbands by some author i can't remember the name. I'm like reading John Grisham's books now. The appeal is on the way together with the client and half way through the innocent man. I find his books very interesting becasue of the way he writes them. Fill me with imagination of how the story goes. In the first few days of my holiday I received calls from my agent telling me about job offers. Time past so quickly that I finally got a job two weeks later. There i begin my working journey in prudential. My first working place was at singapore power building. I actually got drenched for the first day of work due to some stupid mistakes of crossing the road when i actually didn't have to. I was surprised to see someone I actually know at the work place and that was Yen Ling from PRCS. For that 6 days I worked there, I had most of my lunch with kimi. Some with my colleagues. Anyway. I was quite happy working there when there's someone to talk to. Walking around and talking. Then there was shocking news when most of us will have to stay till 30th of Sep when that was only the fourth day of work. We drew lots and I got the one that was till 30th. The lucky ones got it to 3rd Oct. I was quite lucky when Kenneth was willing to swap with me. So I stayed on. On the 2nd, We drew lots again to see who get to stay till the 17th of Oct. We paired up leaving it with 3 pairs and one opted out. So it was the battle between 2 pairs. My partner got it. I was so happy. Thank god we get to stay till the 17th or else I'll go bankrupt. One thing I felt sad was there wasn't anyone close to stay with me. I was stuck with a girl called Kelly. Then with twist and turns, I ended up with a girl name Fiona. Kelly changed with her finding her a pity to lose her job after 2 days and especially when she has purchsed the mrt concession. The both of us started working at cuppage, starhub centre. Sitting together everyday allowed us to bond. We had lunch together and enjoyed each other's company. EVen though we had to sit seperate places a week later, we were quite close because we went to the washroom together and pantry and still lunch. :) I was playing with her and my boss. I always tried to scare them. Haha! My boss is a very funny person and he's very sweet. Although there was once when we were quite fed up with each other. Haha, but everything turned out alright. We had lunch together on fri at the cafe in OG just beside centre point. Just the three of us, Fiona, my boss and I. :) They both had cabonara set lunches leaving me with chicken chop with brown sauce. I didn't take the salad and fruit so they had to clear it for me. Thanks! Fiona took my salad and my boss took my watermelon. Hope they don't mind. HAHA. We all had the same drinks. We had to top up though. We had Ice Tea Float and we had fun eating together. I even made fun of my boss when we were drinking the tea. :P Almost till the end of the day, he turned into 'my' silly boy. :D Oh ya, can't forget the fact that I actually spent a lot on SPCA. There was this little SPCA stall selling cute stuffs. I can't bring myself to stop. I got my boss something to thank him. A little halloween pumpkin with sweets, orange sweets and an A4 paper i used to draw something for him. I also drew some other stuffs for my colleagues. I also took a picture of silly boy. :P In any case, Thank You!!! Well, school starts tomorrow and I'm sure I'm gonna miss working there.

Labels: holiday job -clover-

| a simple day. 2:23 PM
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Sunday, April 06, 2008

Ok people. I know I haven't been updating my blog for some time so I'm just going to sum up all I've done for this period of time... Just on 15th of March, I went to Shu Shu's bd party at Jurong Chevron. She invited tp friends but only tri, piggy and I turned up. We were laughing at our myself for being the only three representing TP. LOL! We went around 5+ plus six, everyone was late. Haha. Went home around 10+. The train was so packed that the three of us either stand or sit on the floor to and fro. So pathetic. On the 21st, my sister and her bf left Singapore to Taiwan for a holiday. It's a 7 days trip. I went out with piggy, crabby, shu shu and tri tri on the 25th. Suppose to meet up for k before tri tri and shu shu are heading for Shanghi but in the end, only piggy, crabby and me went to sing at cine. Tri tri and shu shu only joined us after that. We went for shopping a while at the GAP shop after meeting tri and walked to wisma. We shopped around at topman and decided to have snack at ding tai fung. Treating them sounds better, but it's not really treat anyway. It's a pathetic meal. Then shu shu came and we went back to topshop and topman. We then went to starbucks near the party world ktv there after meeting one of shu shu's friend. I drank frapuccino blended cream green tea again... Haha. It's such a coincidence that tri tri and shu shu were also reading the book I already finished not long ago. For one more day by Mitch Albom. It's a very nice book, everyone's child should read that. Touching book... That's the first book that I read at a super duper fast speed, 2-3hrs. That is also the first book I've read since don't know when. Haha. Book of the holiday. My sister came back on the 28th, reaching Singapore in the afternoon. She got me a stone from Taiwan... Felt like throwing her. She also bought a lot of snacks and a spongebob mask for me, it's a mouth mask... For what?! Her bf got her a pocket pc too. Hp one. She don't really know how to use it... Went to pay respects on the 30th with all my relatives. I also bought my watch!!! Seiko one. It costs 480 but I only bought for 310. It's the yang qian hua one. XP I can afford to buy because I know I'm going to work on the 1st. I'm working at bouna vista's MOE with kimi and her bf... Boring work!!! Have to wake up so early... 6.40am! Will be working until the 18th. It's a mon to fri job. Just yesterday, I went out with kimi and my cousin, Ben to k. It's at hougang, lousy place. Lousy service and not much songs. Then kimi dragged me to clubbing at boat quay-raffles place. I wasn't 18 yet but there was an uderage party, it's a new place. parapazzi@poparaazy. They gave me a stamp on my hand unlike kimi who has a band. My stupid stamp says "ok" and it made me felt like a pig going through examination!!! Well I'm really angry with her yesterday so if you're reading this kimi, wake up!!! ok anyway. I guess that's about it for now. X)

Labels: woosh~

| a simple day. 3:42 PM
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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Finally I'm having my holiday. My exams ended last Thurs. Just after the exam, I went out with my friends to ps for a movie. We had fish and co. for lunch, the new york fish and chip is nice. Estee likes it too. Then we went ps to buy some stuffs and walked around, bought tickets for PS I love you at the cathay, went starbucks and bought coffee which we smuggled in. So funny when we tried to put it in our bag, had to prevent it from spilling and prevent the staff at the cathay from noticing. Well, the show was very touching. I know it cause I cried. Amusing. Well we went the face shop after that. Almost died. So not me to stay at this kind of shop for so long. We went home at around 9+. I went out the next day too. Wanted to watch leap years. Well, the tickets were all sold out at marina. So we watched meet the spartans. Still don't understand why I spend $9.50 and watch some lame show. LOL. I watched the show with sze, ming, and clemsy! Just before I met everyone, my dear cousin, Ben called and asked if I would like to join him as an extra on Sat morning. I was like omg, so early!!! I had to wake up at 5am... In the end, I did. I slept at 11pm and woke up at 5am. Forced myself to sleep so early. Suppose to meet him at ps at 7am. However, he was late and we met at 7+ at harbour front. The filming was at vivo. The open air roof. The whole thing was like so lame. Haha. Quite funny though. Overall, still not bad. Some experience on how mediacorp actually films shows. PEOPLE!!! Catch me at THE YANG SISTERS 2 on channel 5!!! You might just see my face!!! No lines though. Guess I'm going out tomorrow again. Toodles...

| a simple day. 3:56 PM
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